An Epic Tug-of-War

Why are some things so easy in theory but so hard in practice?

“I’m sorry.”

“I was wrong.”

“Please forgive me.”

I mean really... they are simple, everyday phrases in our native tongue. Yet sometimes it feels as though those particular words have a 400 pound anchor attached to them. As if the level of difficulty in drawing them from our hearts to our tongues is insurmountable. And an epic battle of tug-of-war rages inside of us -- a battle between doing what's right and self-preservation.

Maybe that’s dramatic, but it seems to be a pretty accurate description of my recent experience. 

I had been on edge for a few days, but couldn’t put my finger on the “why.” My normal jokes and quick quips were of the usual type but there was something different behind them. They cut more than they quipped. My wife was feeling it. I played it off. Maybe she was just feeling extra sensitive, I suggested. But I was noticing too. And then it seemed to subside.

A few days later, we were traveling out of state as a family. People were tired. There was tension in the car. I attempted a joke. It came out more like a jab. It was back. And she wasn’t laughing. I knew I needed to own it. Not just this it, but the other its before it. But it was hard.

You’d think that four and a half decades of opportunity and experience would make anything second nature — even apologizing. But that’s just it — it is second nature. With the first still alive and kicking.

Our first nature hasn’t changed much in 10,000 years. It’s the nature we inherited from Adam and Eve. They hid and blamed. We do the same. Because if there’s one thing we don’t want, it’s our sin out in the open.

“So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was to be desired to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate, and she also gave some to her husband who was with her, and he ate. Then the eyes of both were opened, and they knew that they were naked. And they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves loincloths.

And they heard the sound of the Lord God walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and the man and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the Lord God among the trees of the garden. But the Lord God called to the man and said to him, “Where are you?” And he said, “I heard the sound of you in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked, and I hid myself.” He said, “Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten of the tree of which I commanded you not to eat?” The man said, “The woman whom you gave to be with me, she gave me fruit of the tree, and I ate.” Then the Lord God said to the woman, “What is this that you have done?” The woman said, “The serpent deceived me, and I ate.”

Genesis 3:6-13

To paraphrase…

“I was exposed. I was afraid. So I hid.”

“The woman you gave me, it was her idea.”

“The devil made me do it.”

Have you ever wondered what might have happened if Adam and Eve had simply owned what they had done?

But that’s the hardest part, isn’t it? Ownership. It’s not the words themselves that weigh 400 pounds. After all, we’ve seen kids throw them about with all the weight of a paper airplane. Some adults, too.

I believe it’s the owning of the pain and the damage it’s caused that increases the level of difficulty. It’s admitting the stuff that was — or still is — in our hearts that incarnates the power lifter on the other end of that rope. It’s a battle of the wills. A battle of two natures.

So how do we win? How can we persuade ourselves to do the really hard thing as we ask and trust God to give us the strength? Can I offer you another perspective? One that I hope will lead both of us to more victory in this area of our lives? 

What if we began to think of that 400 pound weight as a measure of potential power to be wielded rather than a personal price to be paid? What if we viewed the difficulty in dragging it from our heart to our mouth as a measure of the potential healing and relief that could come? Because it is.

The harder it is to face the thing you need to face, the more necessary it is to face it. Your desire to ignore what needs to be owned correlates directly with how much it needs to be owned. And the power of an “I’m sorry” is in direct relation to the difficulty in saying it.

I knew I needed to own my it and all the its before it, but hadn’t worked up the courage that evening. Embarrassing, I know. But I woke up the next morning resolved to drag the words to my lips. They would be spoken. No. Matter. What. 

Soon we would be in the car together. Alone. It would be a short drive to church on this Sunday morning, but I would get it done. As we made our way towards the church, the resistance inside felt as if portions of my organs were the ropes involved in this epic tug-of-war.  “It shouldn’t be this hard,” I thought. “Just say it,” I told myself. I was resolved, but the struggle was real. 

We turned into the parking lot. Time was running out. Had I really let it take this long? My heart pumped faster. And louder. The tension may have only been within me but it seemed as if it was enough to fill the whole car. “This is ridiculous,” I thought. And then determination overtook self preservation. “I’m sorry, Sweetie.” I paused and turned to look at her. “My words have been sharper than normal lately,” I continued. “I don’t know what’s causing it, but I know I’ve hurt you. And I’m sorry.”

Tears came. For both of us. She looked at me and simply said, “Thank you.” She grabbed my hand and squeezed it. They were words she needed to hear. Words her heart needed to receive. And words I needed to say. Healing was happening. Not because it was easy, but because it was hard.

I have a new determination going forward. When I think of the power of owning something that is hard to own, I’m going to begin picturing David standing before a fallen Goliath. That is the victory and legacy I want. Not that of the “warriors” who hid and refused to fight, but of the one who stepped forward. Because he knew there was a good God standing behind him and that His will was crystal clear.

That massive sword at Goliath’s side is the weapon I will yield. Much like the difficult thing I must do, it is full of potential power precisely because of it’s weight and the determination required to wield it. But, oh the joy and satisfaction in raising it overhead when the battle is over and victory is secured! When peace replaces palpitations.

Is there something you need to face today? Face it. Is there an it you need to own? Own it. 

Leave the legacy you want to leave.

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This post belongs to a series in the book of Genesis. To read previous posts in this series, use the links below or the archives to the left of this post.

The Image of God -- Genesis 1:27 -- an important reminder for all of us

Anatomy of a Fall -- Genesis 3:1 -- one of my favorite posts of all time  : )

Anatomy of a Fall

Now the serpent was more crafty than any other 

beast of the field that the LORD God had made. 

Genesis 3:1

Crafty. It’s the word Scripture uses to describe the serpent in the Garden of Eden. An apt word for a foe that manages to trip us up again and again. And a word that manages to conjure up all kinds of images in just six letters and two short syllables. Crafty. That word just does something!

Satan is indeed crafty — and effective. I can tell you that from personal experience. But the reality is that he’s been using the same technique since the beginning of time, quite literally. And we, both collectively and individually, keep falling for it.

We know the truth. We do. Honestly. We know that good is better than evil, that purity is better than corruption, that honesty is better than deception, that forgiveness is better than holding a grudge, that generosity is better than greed, etc. 

But temptation tends to eat away at truth.

Turning our focus back to the Garden, I think it’s safe to assume that Eve had seen the tree of the knowledge of good and evil (Gen 2:16) many times before her encounter with the serpent that day. She knew the truth about it and understood the danger, yet when temptation came, she gave it a place in her thinking.

We tend to read this passage as if it all happened in a moment. The serpent asks, “Did God really say…?” Eve responds, “We will die.” The serpent counters, “No. You’ll be wiser.” And then, within a few seconds, with the serpent still watching and the fruit within reach, Eve takes and eats — and all hell breaks loose. 

Might I suggest another scenario? One that Scripture would allow for? One that isn’t influenced by every painting you’ve ever seen of Eve under a tree with a snake over one shoulder and an apple over the other? Ok, good. My hunch is that Eve was minding her own business in a much less prominent location in the Garden when the serpent offered her not an apple, but an idea — the idea that what God had described as a danger to be avoided was actually a delight to be enjoyed.

Eve walked away from that conversation not with apple skin stuck between her teeth, but with a big “what if” lodged in her head. A big “what if” that she mulled over again and again and again. A “what if” that became more appealing over time as it pulled at different parts of who Eve was. That’s what I see when I read the following verse:

When the woman saw that the tree was good for food, 

and that it was a delight to the eyes, 

and that the tree was to be desired to make one wise… 

Genesis 3:6a

First the tree offered something to satisfy her hunger. And, hey, it’s ok to be hungry, right? And then she began to notice how beautiful that darn tree was! Not that the other trees weren’t. But this one… wow! She just couldn’t stop looking at it Or thinking about it. And wondering, “What if?” What if it would make life better? What if I could be wiser? And happier? 

Some time after her thinking changed, her actions followed suit. 

…she took of its fruit and ate, and she also gave some 

to her husband who was with her and he ate.

Genesis 3:6b

When did she take of its fruit and eat? The author of Genesis writes, “When the woman saw…” (see Gen 3:6a above) Not necessarily the next time she looked at it, but rather — and please don’t miss this — when the way she looked at it had changed. When the “what if” had been entertained long enough to tip the “danger vs. desire scale” in her mind. 

That’s how it usually goes, doesn’t it? We avoid dangers. Naturally. But we entertain desires. When our thinking transfers something from the “danger” column to the “delight” column, that’s when destruction is imminent. Because our thoughts, more than anything else, drive our actions. Let’s cover that again: our thoughts, more than anything else, drive our actions.

You see, the mere existence of the tree wasn’t Eve’s downfall. Her thinking about it was.

And the existence of a drink or drug, or a pile of cash, or a man or woman won’t be our downfall either. Our thinking will be. Because our thoughts, more than anything else, drive our actions. 

So… what pattern of thinking needs your attention today? What is pulling at your appetites and pecking away at what you know to be true and right? Has something slowly moved from danger to delight? What are you going to do to move it back? And who do you need to tell about it?

While I don’t know your answers to those questions, I do know this: nothing good lies on the other side of that “what if?”

Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.

Proverbs 4:23

The Image of God

"So God created man in his own image; he created them in 

the image of God; he created them male and female."    

Genesis 1:27

It wasn’t until l began to attend seminary and studied under Dr. Wayne Grudem that I heard much talk about humanity and “the image of God.” And yet perhaps no other biblical concept has informed my thinking more than this simple fact — that men and women have been created in the image of God (the imago dei).

In the book of the Beginning (Genesis), Scripture lays out the story of Creation. Over the course of six days, God created the universe and everything in it — the sun, moon, and stars; the deserts and the mountains; the rivers and the seas; the birds of the air, the creatures of the deep, and every animal that roams the earth — from aardvarks to zebras. God created all of it. 

And all of it, with God as our witness, is amazing! The intricacy and the design only gets more fascinating as science peels back layer after layer of God’s Creation, revealing complexities previously unfathomed. Inspiring, and rightly so, awe among those who dare to plumb its depths.

And yet one element of Creation stands above it all: Mankind. For one simple fact: They were (we are) created in the image of God.

God infused all things with His creativity and design. But mankind he infused with a piece of Himself, His image.

It’s why the birds and the bees continue to build the same hives and nests they always have, while mankind has gone from caves to condos. It’s why humans collaborate to save a fragile ecosystem or a species of endangered turtles and never the other way around. And it’s why caribou, catfish, and caterpillars remain within their designated habitats while humans explore the world — and beyond.

Because more than any other part of Creation, men and women have been created in the image of God — to reflect Him and his attributes in this world. His intelligence. His creativity. His compassion. And the list goes on.

It’s also why we believe that every human life, regardless of age or ability, has inherent value. That no person should be subjected to treatment deemed demeaning or inhumane. It’s why we should believe that regardless of nationality, religion, skin color, or sexual orientation there is no room for hate, discrimination, or oppression. Because every person of every shape, color, size, and creed is an image bearer of God, possessing inherent worth and dignity regardless of what makes them different from you and me.

It’s true… the image of God in humanity has been tainted and corrupted. Sometimes, at our worst, it’s hard to see the image of God in others, in you, or in me. We don’t reflect much of His love or compassion or goodness at all. But God is gracious to us. He is willing to look past those things to see us. And we should do the same for others. And maybe, just maybe, as we look past behavior to see the image of God in others, it might just help others see more of Him in us.

Something New

If change is hard for you, you’re not alone. Change is hard for most of us. Especially when it touches something close or important to us — a relationship, a favorite place, or a favorite anything really.

I still remember my reaction when I heard that the College World Series would be moving to a brand new stadium. New stadiums are nice and all, but I’d been attending games at Rosenblatt Stadium since I was a little boy. I had decades of memories tied to that place. Others had school and family traditions tied to it. It seemed that Rosenblatt Stadium was the College World Series. How could you possibly have one without the other?

A month or so ago, Starbucks announced that it will stop offering plastic straws with their drinks beginning in 2020. What? Someone’s going to mess with the way I enjoy my favorite drink? Everyone knows that Starbucks has the best straws! My wife and I now joke about hoarding Starbucks straws in preparation for Strawmageddon in 2020. At least, it’s partly a joke.

Change comes — whether we like it or not. And often whether we choose it or choose to avoid it. But the reality is that change is often good. And good for us. Despite my initial misgivings, I have now enjoyed several years of College World Series games at TD Ameritrade Park. And I have to admit, it’s really nice! Much nicer than Rosenblatt ever was. I confess, it’s hard to see now how a paper straw can possibly compare to the plastic that I’m accustomed to (not to mention be an improvement), but based on experience I should at least be open to the possibility.

As followers of Jesus, we, of all people, should be the most open to change. To something new. Even when it touches something important to us. After all, our relationship to God is the result of God having done something new. The Jewish people had their faith and memories and traditions based on what God had been doing and the way He’d been doing it for hundreds of years. And then Jesus showed up and started talking about something new. 

This something new seemed to be a real threat. A threat to their faith and understanding of God. A threat to their way of life. A threat to their memories and traditions. And there was a lot more at stake than a baseball stadium or a preferred vehicle for beverage consumption. This was the very fabric of their society. Their entire identity!

And yet we can look back now and see what God has done. In a passage that the people of Jesus’ day would have known well, God spoke to his people through the prophet Isaiah telling them, “I am about to do something new.” This was a big something new. A something new that literally changed the world. For the better. For good.

But it was change. And change is often hard. Yet it was good. And good for us. (That may register as the understatement of the year right there.)

Is there a something new on the horizon for you? A change that you are worried about? A new that you are hesitant about? A something you are avoiding?

In spite of all of your fears and all of your misgivings, something new might be exactly what you need. Exactly what the world needs.

Maybe this fear of change and new somethings is why God gave us the reassurance of Romans 8:28 along with the something new:

“And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God.”

Did you catch that? He said all things. Even new things. Even change things. For good. And good for us. Trust that. Trust Him. He might just be doing something new.

<< Leave a comment below and let us know how we can be praying for you and your something new. And feel free to pray for us as we venture out into our own something new. >>